Hi! It's firefly114, author from inkpop and fictionpress and owner of the Fire Me Up website! I'm also Mischief1Managed on fanfiction.net and Amortentia Black on mugglenet. Here's my blog, for rambles and updates. If you have any requests (and I love requests) of things you want me to give my opinion on, or questions to answer, shoot me an email at laurel.firemeup@gmail.com or ask on my formspring widget on the lower right side.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The 5 Hardest and Easiest Things About A Breakup

The 5 Things That Hurt More After A Breakup. 

1. Seeing pictures. Let's face it. You stalk your ex. What is he up to? Who is he hanging out with? Did he finally get his puppy a haircut? But even though you're deathly curious, more often than not, seeing your ex's new Facebook pictures can feel like a blow to the chest. Especially when there are other girls in them. That girl who posts ten Instagrams of your ex doing ordinary things like eating a taco or tying his shoe--are they hooking up? Do they hang out a lot? Does she like him? Does he like her? No, he couldn't possibly. But now you're not so sure... and here come the doubts. 

2. Physical pain. You catch your earring on your shirt or stab your finger by accident or get a small papercut and all the sudden it's the end of the world and the miniscule pain feels like the pain in your heart and you start to become all dramatic and everything about missing your ex comes to forefront. 

3. Sleeping. Sleeping alone can be one of the saddest things about ending a relationship. There's no warm body to snuggle with as you drift off to sleep. Now, you lay in bed, chatting with friends on Facebook or stalking other guys or watching a TV show, but as soon as you shut your computer, it's just you and your thoughts and a silent room. Again. For that matter, showering can get sad too. There's too much time to think about what you did wrong or what he did wrong or what could have been. Your conclusion: it's best to avoid sleep and showers at all cost. 

4. Your friends. Your roommate says something snappy to you and since your emotional floodgates are already wide open, it feels like she hates you. Everything just hurts more now, and yes it's been over two weeks, but you just stalked your ex AGAIN and you're sad, goddamn it, and she should know to leave you alone! Or better yet, she should know that what you really want is an all-night action movie session with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and absolutely no romance whatsoever. And if she doesn't get that right? Well, she obviously hates you. It's time for some yelling. 

5. Your future. While you were together, you couldn't imagine your future any other way. Now, it's time to carve out a whole new path, which can be both depressing and scary. You thought you had it all figured out, but then you start to realize that this guy of your dreams wasn't actually the guy of your dreams and what if nobody will ever want to be with you again because you're so damaged and what if you don't get into graduate school and what if you never get married and end up alone working 15 hour days and living in a house with empty shelves because you have nothing to put on them? 

The 5 Things That Are Easier After A Breakup.

1. Being on your own schedule. You don't have to carve out three free hours a day to hang out with your ex, when what you really need to be doing is studying or sleeping or running errands. You can go to dinner at 6:30 if you want, instead of 4:30, because you're not worried about missing the football game. You don't have to feel bad about being out the entire day and not stopping back to check on the puppy (or your ex.) 

2. Doing that one thing you love. Whether it be reading, drawing, writing, volunteering, or making artwork out of used soda cans, you're only taking care of one person now, and you just have more time. Plus, now there's nobody who is going to hog your book or tag along on your "me" days or tell you that your soda can art is stupid or smells bad. 

3. Spending time with your family and friends. They know it, you know it. When you're in a relationship, everyone else suffers. One time, while I was in a relationship with a guy who lived kind of far away, my friends confronted me and said, "we miss you." Suddenly, a text from your friend gets ignored, you don't answer the phone when your parents call, or you skip plans by accident because you were so wrapped up in your significant other and your schedule together. You have that time now, and you can start filling up that hole in your heart with a patched-up friendship. 

4. Shopping. There's no one to answer to when you come back with fifteen bags from all over town. There's no guilt in the inordinate amount of money you spent on that pair of heels or the obscene amount of floral shirts you just bought, because it's just you, and nobody else is looking at the price tags. Nobody will laugh at that pair of overalls you really wanted to buy but know looks horrible on you. So you can go ahead and buy that party dress that you know you'll never wear, because nobody is asking why you bought it, and you can own it for one fabulous evening and go ahead and return it tomorrow. 

5. Leading a normal life. In the beginning, everyone feels like their pain is unique. Nobody else has ever felt this horrible, I remember thinking. I truly will never get over this. It's comforting to read articles like this and realize that yes, just about everyone goes through something similar, and it does feel horrible, but the best thing you can do is just carry on, and realize that if all those other not-so-strong people can do it, you can too. The world doesn't stop here. Time is the magic word: you will become happy again, and everything will get easier again. Switch up your routine a bit: go to a different bar, buy a new outfit, do something that makes you feel good. Hang out with old friends. Get a piercing. Watch a new TV show that you can share with another friend. Learn a knew skill, like pottery or German. It gets easier from here, my friend.

I know I benefited a lot from reading an article like this; it was the first time when the thought crossed my mind that maybe my situation wasn't unique and that I wouldn't stay depressed forever. What are YOUR 5 hardest and easiest things about a breakup? Any tips for others? Leave a comment! Send this article to anyone you think might enjoy it.


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